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Honorary Member of the Dead Plant Society

I have dreams of fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, radishes, lettuce and greenpeppers that I have grown all by myself.

There is a just one teeny weeny problem: I haven’t met a plant that hasn’t died in my care.

I’m like the Grim Reaper to plants. If you have a plant that just will not die, send it my way. It will be in plant heaven within the week.

My first victim was a ficus tree that I bought to spruce up my very first apartment. I did everything. I named him Fred the Ficus, gave it water, sunlight, fed it plant food and put easy listening music on the radio when I went to work. I even read him goodnight stories.

I thought things were going great with Fred and I, but I guess he didn’t feel the same. Fred passed away just four days after I brought him home from Home Depot. Yep you read that right: four days.

I’ve killed too many herb gardens to count. After the Fred fiasco, I learned not to name any plants. I even brought a gardening how to book, but the results were always the same. Even a cactus lost the will to live in my care. A cactus!

How is it that I have managed to keep my cat Tigger alive for 12 years? Even those times he decides to wake us up at 4 a.m. when I wish he would walk into the light and hang out at the pearly gates? But a terra cotta pot filled with basil is dead within two weeks.

This year I have already killed a basil plant. Just keeping my record alive.

So if I can’t grow them, I buy them at the farmer’s market. And that’s when I thought I would give the herb garden one last time. I bought three basil plants, one oregano and one marjoram plant, along with a quick stop to the hardware,store to buy two terra
cotta pots and some Miracle Grow Potting Soil.

Let’s face it, it’s going to take a miracle for these plants to stay alive. I also didn’t forget about my cat Tigger. I transplanted a plant of cat nip from my dad and step-mom’s house. Maybe he will let us sleep in a bit if he is high on “kitty crack.”

As of today, the plants are still alive. It’s a new record for me: three whole weeks.

Maybe I will get my honorary membership to the Dead Plant Society revoked. One can only hope.

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